“I’m not playing ‘Babette’, there’s a leopard on the roof…” ~Katherine Hepburn to Cary Grant, mid-song in the 1938 classic film “Bringing up Baby” whilst serenading her jungle cat.
Oddly, I found myself indeed standing-in for the role of a “Babette”, one day before the actress arrived (‘cha-ching’ for the additional day of pay and dialogue!); and observing that her first scripted line was “Bonjour!” I proceeded to portray the character with a French accent. (This seemed to be an obvious choice to me as a cold reader.)
Rehearsing the scene only twice with perhaps the world’s speediest Director (God love him, he actually has a life outside of showbiz), he gave a few notes to the cast as well as one to me that whilst I apparently “excel at delivering a French accent”, he’d rather I “do it straight”.
“Copy that” I replied professionally making a mental adjustment for the Producer Run-Thru.
There was no ill will in the moment (he had affectionately addressed me as “Pen-Pen my dear!”), and as always, I’m delighted to receive any direction whatsoever that helps me to hone my craft, but I couldn’t help but wonder (as a humble blogger) why the writers had seemingly made such an obvious distinction regarding the role?
Meanwhile, breaking for a half hour lunch on our short day, I wandered into Craft Services for our catered food – still a bit uncomfortable with the new Health Code Laws that insist that a latex gloved assistant actually SERVE us, as well as all other single items be wrapped individually.
Personally, I find the whole process awkward, guiltily limiting my breakfast to only two or three strips of bacon (whereas I used to LOVE to dig in there up to my elbows, tap-tap-tap on the whole greasy tray with tongs, and select about six perfectly crispy pieces!)
Oh and how I miss the towering cascades of muffins, croissants and donuts heaped together; their fat-filled gloriousness sliced away throughout the day by the crew, one eco-friendly knife for all to share, the assimilation of high-caloric pastries equally distributed bite by bite to everyone who merely wanted a sample, a simple reinforcement that you were living amongst a “family”!
But times have changed, and eyeballing the rice, steamed vegetables and bright pink salmon, I politely asked for the first and the latter. (Yes, broccoli, carrots and cauliflower are good for you, but I REALLY wanted to avoid any, um, accidental “puttering” during my performance…)
“Oh, that’s actually chicken” the Gloved One informed me reaching for the last tray as I screeched him to a hasty halt before any foul fowl had made it’s way any nearer. (I think.)
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Having eaten precisely three forkfuls of rice before losing my appetite and remorsefully dumping my plate (the excessive waste of food and plastic always upsets me), we finished up rehearsal and prepared for the Run-Thru.
My stomach was in knots from knowing that I was going against all my natural instincts to NOT let the writers hear their words as apparently expected, but in the end I knew I had to deliver as my Director had instructed me. After all, who’s to say there wasn’t some Executive Network note given at the table-read that “Babette” should simply be less ‘continental’?
Still, as the VIPs filed on stage my gut gurgled aggressively.
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Arriving home after the show (with no criticisms as to my performance!), I curled up with my kitty, delighted to see that she had made it through a whole week without any little messes. (Small blessings!) And still looking to settle my tummy, I grabbed the two items that have always been my go-to “funky belly” relievers; i.e. a voddy cocktail and a bag of nacho cheese Doritos.
Having already set the alarm clock to 7am for work the next day, we splayed happily together under the air conditioning box in the wall, and embracing a prerecorded four hour catch-up of the final episodes of “Leverage” we eventually headed off to sleep.
Perfect!
Truly, there’s nothing quite like the joy of laying your head down on a fluffy pillow after a slightly stressful day at work.
Nor is there anything quite like the feeling of knowing that you’re only going to make it to the sink when your Doritos-covered stomach acids are about to erupt…
(One word: Orange.)
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Dragging my hollow belly on stage after a particularly brutal night, I grabbed a plain bagel (pre-wrapped) and wandered off to find my Second AD, just to give him a heads up if/why I might occasionally go AWOL and perhaps not be up to the standards of my usual “A-Game”.
“Oh, you poor thing! Well at least all the Cast is here today so you can probably just sit back and take notes” he added gently as I nibbled on the comforting bread.
But naturally, I was approximately half way through said bagel when I heard my name being called to stand-in for some of our Background Performers in not one, but TWO scenes, including a lengthy EIGHT-PART MONTAGE.
(Oh dear!)
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Suffice it to say that by lunchtime, I opted for only a few bites of some bland-looking beef before flopping down across four seats in the Audience area, embracing the opportunity for a twenty minute respite. My scenes would be over quickly enough at the two o’clock Run-Thru, and within a couple of hours I could be home and properly recover over the weekend. And listening to the family-esque bickering of my Second Team whilst they played Scrabble together on their smart phones, I actually fell asleep!
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“Shh!!!” I heard my First AD whisper loudly.
“Aww, how sweet of him…” I thought in my contented drowsy state of mind, wrapping a protective arm around my still crampy thorax.
“We’re working down here!” he added as I bolted upright.
Crap!
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With my work eventually completed and having been wrapped for the day at 3pm, I sat hunched over a cup of “Activia” yogurt (praying that Jaime Lee Curtiss hadn’t led me astray in her commercials) as my fellow Second Teamers romped away to whatever fabulous weekend adventures awaited them, leaving me feeling more like “Salmonella” than “Cinderella” as they headed off to the Prince’s Ball.
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But hey, you know me, always trying to make sense of The Universe!
1. Giving the blocking to our extraordinarily beautiful five foot ten Parisian guest star model, she smiled graciously and thanked me sweetly before gliding magnificently onto the stage. And whilst disappointed that a few of her lines had been cut, she “executed” her performance with EXACTLY the comedic timing that one might expect from a glamorous model!
(1a. Catching my Director’s eye; his askance look to me said it all: ‘We didn’t want you to sell the dialogue since we knew she might not deliver…’ (Bless his heart and her high cheek bones!))
2. Pay attention to expiration dates on food products. I don’t keep many such edible items at home since they feed us at work, but if a bag of Doritos says the product is “best by” a certain date (like two or three months ago), you might consider heeding those instructions.
(2a. Jaime Lee Curtiss doesn’t lie, except for her (in my opinion) brilliant performance in the film “True Lies”.)
3. Just because a guy is wearing latex gloves, it doesn’t mean he’s keeping his utensils sanitary from tray to tray.
(3a. Yes, I’m aware of the potential euphemism here, but hey people! This is a PG-Rated blog!)
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Back to my “A-Game”, off to feeding my “leopard” a saucer of milk and bidding you a fond “Adieu”,
~P-Babs
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