By George! (Bye George...) By George, I Think I've Got It!

Eying the sparkly card and all the perks it potentially offered back in April, I read the letter eagerly:

“Congratulations!  You have been randomly selected from the Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxx membership database to serve on the Xxxxxxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxx Nominating Committee for the Xxx Annual Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxx Awards.”

And agreeing to the terms and conditions associated with such an honor, signing a confidentiality form (hence my redaction above), I actually began looking forward to opening my mail, which is now riddled with invitations to local movie screenings as well as random free DVDs for my voting consideration. (!!!)

“…You will be voting to select nominees for Outstanding Performance in the following categories: 

Male Actor in a Leading Role

Female Actor in a Leading Role

Male Actor in a Supporting Role

Female Actor in a Supporting Role

Cast of a Motion Picture”

Giddy with the unbridled power never known to me before as a humble stand-in, I made a mad dash for one of my regal-ish tiaras (I only have two) as I continued to read the letter in its entirety (moderately irritated that I had nothing whatsoever resembling a scepter).

“When you receive screening invitations that require you to RSVP, please respond promptly as many screenings fill quickly.  If your plans change after you RSVP and you cannot make a screening, please call again to cancel.  As a courtesy to your fellow performers, we also ask that you do not RSVP to a screening with a Q and A unless you plan to stay for the Q and A.”

Scanning my lengthy list of screening invites, nearly ALL of them happened to include a Q and A session after the film, most of the movies scheduled for somewhere around 8pm on a Sunday.

Hmm…

And in just what world would I have the luxury of time to sit in the dark for approximately two hours, stay for at least another, whilst attempting to get up early in the morning to maintain an actual paying job?  (Plus, my tiara was starting to give me a headache.  Stupid plastic tiara!)

Frankly, within five months I admit that I’d become somewhat jaded. 

A few DVD screeners still sit awaiting viewing for my voting consideration, all nicely packaged and eager for my support.  But having read all of the accompanying literature with them individually, each one seemed to be self-described as either “touching” or “heart-wrenching” or “an emotional journey”.

And I, as The Nominating Queen, We were not amused.  (Where the hell is my scepter?!)

With the arrival of yet another “bitter-sweet, life-changing,” DVD, I tossed it onto the pile for whatever day I may eventually choose to sit bawling in front of the TV for eight (ish) hours.  (YAY!  Who wants fun-filled buttery popcorn?!!!)

So mindlessly opening yet another invite with all due less than enthusiasm, I scanned the page immediately for the fine print as to the timing and a Q and A session.

“Blah, blah, blah, screening this Sunday at 7pm (do-able), blah, blah, blah; free parking, blah, blah, blah, SCREENING FOLLOWED BY A CONVERSATION WITH GEORGE CLOONEY and CAST MEMBERS”!!!!!!!

And the angels sang as I immediately typed my RSVP of “YES!”

>>><<<

Scanning my script to prepare for filling in for a couple of guest stars Thursday however, I was horrified to see that the Monday morning (after my momentous evening with Mr. Clooney) was scheduled to be on location, on the top of some canyon, with a crew call time of 6:00am…

And the angels wept as I retyped my RSVP to “no”.

>>><<<

Concentrating mostly on delivering a decent performance for one of our unbelievably funny recurring Actresses, I had no worries about the other role and for the first time in six episodes I actually felt at ease!  Perhaps with so much to do, I didn’t have time to worry?  Perhaps I’d finally found my groove?  Whatever the reason, I left the stage after the Producer Run-Thru feeling like my old self, full of gratitude, and comfortable once again in my own skin.

With a short list of errands to run – hit the bank, get gas, pick up some items at Rite-Aid – I stood in line juggling a twelve pack of diet 7Up, my weekend bottle of voddy and a fourteen pound jug of kitty litter.  (Glamorous, I know.)  Eventually schlepping my stuff to the cashier however, I was startled to hear my cell phone ring and scrambling to answer the unknown ID, I nearly fell over backwards to hear the voice of our Casting  Associate asking me if I’d be willing to play the lesser part for the show.  (!!!)

“We’d like to hire you for Friday, Monday and Tuesday, have you sign a contract, give you co-starring credit and you’ll have your own dressing room on stage.  Oh and the rate is…” she continued pleasantly.

“American dollars?” I asked, blown away at the going price for two speaking lines on a Network show, my naiveté making her laugh with amusement.

“Yes, Penny!” she chuckled, “so let me get your info for the contract.  What’s your address?”

(“Beats the hell out of me!” was all I could think in the moment!)

>>><<<

“Hey Pen, we’ve got a problem…” my Second AD called to tell me with his sad voice.

Uh-oh…

“There’s this rule, that you can’t be both an Actress AND a stand-in” he added as I sighed with acceptance that of course the whole idea was simply too good to be true.  “So, do you know any decent stand-ins I could hire last minute to fill in for you?”  (!!!)

Immediately calling my friend Diddy for a couple of phone numbers, he reveled in joy at my news.  After all, having been the one burdened to “un-invite” me back to his show, he was positively elated to hear that I had scored a small part!  “Mind if I go spread the news here?” he giggled devilishly.

And having found a replacement for myself on Diddy’s recommendation, I alerted my Second AD who snatched her up immediately.  (YAY!  We got someone else three surprise days of pay!)  “So, I was wondering about Monday then…” I picked my AD’s brain while I had him on the line.

“My dear” I heard him smile, “YOU are officially ‘on hold’, which means whatever you choose to do on your day off, I want to you to tell yourself ‘and I’m getting paid’.  ‘Do I want to sit on the couch?’  ‘Why yes, and I’m getting paid!’  ‘Do I want to eat some ice cream?’  ‘Why yes, and I’m getting paid!’  You follow me?”

And the angels sang again!!!

>>><<<

So in the end, yes I actually could have had my momentous evening with the phenomenal Mr. Clooney wherein he would have no choice but to immediately fall in love with me and spend the rest of his life by my side…

But there exists this one pesky little paragraph in my Nominating Committee agreement that I must obey:

“Occasionally there have been problems at screenings – we ask you to remember that you are representing your fellow XXX members and urge you to be professional and courteous at all times.”

Well, there goes the whole chloroform and duct tape idea out the window!  :D

Living in monumental gratitude,

~P