Embracing my first hiatus week from my new Network (!!!) sit-com, and strolling happily into my bat cave, my friendly feline sidekick Pretty greeted me enthusiastically as always. And meowing at me relentlessly until I took off my shoes, hung up my hoodie and followed her into the bedroom, I stood in utter shock and awe at her magnificent Jackson Pollack canvas.
Granted, she’s always been creative for a kitty, randomly impersonating celebrities with ingenious flexibility, throwing lolled looks over her “shoulder” during The Oscars etc., but I’d never known her to have such an abstract expressionist eye when it came to her artistic abilities.
Yet there it was!
In essence, my kitty had exploded…
Prancing happily distantly away at the foot of the bed whilst admiring her creation, Pretty regaled at her exploitations; one politely placed viscous hair ball on a plastic baggie, one vomitous eruption of undigested dry food splat in a mucous pile on the duvet; one silent but deadly poo displayed for my viewing *gag* pleasure…
Frankly, as a pet “owner” (if there exists such a title when you cohabitate with a cat), I’m well equipped for spot cleaning, but HELLO? This is my bedding!!! And I had a whole week planned to do nothing more than lie on the happy slab, nap with my kitty, catch up on some crossword puzzles and TiVo!
But eyeing Pretty’s masterpiece, I knew there weren’t enough cleaning products in the WORLD to make me crawl underneath that duvet ever, EVER again…
Time to take action!
>>><<<
I couldn’t be sure of the coloring, but with the little bit of extra cash in my checking account from last week, I clicked on the seven piece “purple” ensemble with black accentuated embroidery, a comforter, two sham covers, a bed skirt and three pillows for only $62.99 plus free immediate shipping.
Oh sure, the buyer reviews were mixed:
“This comforter is brown. I hate brown.”
“This item is pink. I bought purple candles to match beforehand and they don’t match at all.”
“I bought the King size for my Queen bed and it didn’t fit!” *shocking*.
But refusing to live in fear (I’ve always loved purple) I made the purchase, and splaying the box openly in my home, I definitively declared it “Taupe”. (Hey, there’s nothing wrong with taupe. Taupe means you no harm.)
Yet waking up after a particularly busy dream night wherein I was forever scurrying around someone else’s studio set looking for George Clooney’s script (???), I awoke to the disheveled rumple of what appeared in the “morning” light to be a dusty rose comforter…
And making up the bed twenty minutes later after lint-rolling one upper corner of my fitted sheet (Pretty’s favorite sleep spot), I stared stupidly at the large shammed pillows in the midday light as they glistened regally atop the bed in what appeared to be the color of lavender…
Yet typing this evening next to the gentle energy-conserving lamp on the dresser, I still have absolutely no idea how to properly review my amazing Technicolor (taupe?) dream coat for future online purchasers at Overstock.com.
(Well… other than I sort of got to work on a show with George Clooney my very first night!)
Wishing you sweet dreams as always,
~P
Author's addendum: To date, Pretty has not yet artistically enhanced the lovely canvas upon which we have been napping; but if you look closely, I think she already has her eye on it!
2 comments:
I declare this "mushroom" as it is the same colour of my significant other's kitchen cupboards.
Also: I empathize as I currently cohabitate with the devil (also known as my roomate's cat, Cohen.)
Hi Heather,
I loved your comment for two reasons!
"Mushroom" is in the "nightshade" family/genus, so that alone made me laugh when talking about a sleep cover!
And also, I've often looked at my little four-legged friend and couldn't help but notice her resemblance to the hell hounds in "Ghostbusters". :D
My best to you,
~Penny :)
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