So, when did the word “should”
become so popular?
Apparently, with my down time, I should
be travelling here, there and everywhere as opposed to simply enjoying quiet
time in my bat cave. But if I’m more
than happy, what’s so terribly wrong with doing what seems right to me?
Perhaps I’m being a tad overly
sensitive, and I understand that everyone has an opinion, but as a Stand-In in
Hollywood, I’m told what to do and I do it.
No questions asked.
But off the set and in my own personal time – I don’t believe in “what
I should do”.
So I hereby dedicate
this post to the “Below the Line” peeps of the world, that have the absolute
right to (legally) do as they please when they’re not being told what to do!
Finding a flier outside my apartment
gate, I took a chance on a new neighborhood pizzeria and am now proudly
addicted to the self-titled “East Coast Flavor” of Tomato Pizza Pie Joint on
Melrose Avenue. (I’ve been to New York
City, and this is awesomely authentic!
Please feel free to salivate at my NY Style pie with savory ricotta!)
Yet, that doesn’t
mean you “should” read it!!!
>>><<<
Nevertheless, waking up on my own
terms the other day around noon, I could feel the oppressive weight of the
“should” beginning to gnaw at me…
I only had one and a half slices of
my TPPJ ricotta delight left, plus, having hit a “$400.00” jackpot the night
before: 
And cue the ugly inner
dialogue…
“I should go out and get
supplies” I sighed (despite the fact that I still have waaay more food in my kitchen then I ever do when I’m working). “I should stock up on more Vitamin
Water too” I added, surveying my refrigerator.
“Oh, and I should definitely buy more milk” I fretted (hey, “it does a
body good”).
But turning on the TV for some mind-numbing
background noise whilst attempting to reconcile all of the “shoulds” in my
pea-brain, I found myself positively glued to the screen as I watched a
marathon of “World’s Wildest Police Videos” from across the globe. A riot in London! A car chase in Istanbul! A man barreling his luxury automobile all the
way through City Hall in Topeka, Kansas because he was irate at getting a
ticket a few hours earlier for having his speakers up too loud?! Awesome!!!
And as if The Universe was
acknowledging my right to enjoy my vacation time as I saw fit, I logged on to
my heroes at Yummy.com once again to place an order for my beverages to be
delivered to the bat-cave. After all, I
was looking forward to a riveting afternoon!
But pausing (ironically) my TiVo in
the middle an old(ish) video recorded on the streets in Hollywood of a
meth-head attempting to elude the police in her car with her daughter; I
greeted the Yummy.com driver at my door, who seemed, well, a little bit
rattled.
Had I ever had one inkling that The
Universe was NOT on my side as I celebrate my well-earned hiatus, all doubt was
immediately removed with the arrival of said driver, who started to unload a
case of plain bottled water at my stoop.
“Um, we didn’t order that” I spoke
on behalf of the household (i.e. my
deceased heroic feline sidekick Pretty in an urn, and one ambitious
philodendron plant named “Boo” miraculously thriving on a nightstand).
“Oh, geez, sorry” the harried young
fellow apologized. “The police just
turned me away from a delivery in Hollywood.
Do you hear the helicopters?”
“Yeah. What’s going on?” I wondered as I signed for
the grocery bags.
“Apparently an armed gunman in an
apartment building” the driver wiped his brow worriedly.
“Well, you be careful!” I smiled,
channeling my Mom.
By all accounts, The Universe was
applauding my personal choices to remain happily at home for the day, and at
that moment, my world made sense!
Until…
Padding out to my mailbox around 8pm
to retrieve the daily “snails”, I was horrified to find a letter from the EDD
(Unemployment Dept.) Apparently Sony
Pictures had notified the EDD that they had cut me a residual check in July for
over $2,200.00 which I had not documented.
“NOTICE OF POTENTIAL OVERPAYMENT” read the headline from EDD, with all
due manner of terrifying Governmental threats of denying me future benefits for
up to 23 weeks as well as charging me $520.00 for failure to report income.
Are you freaking kidding me?!?! I reported with complete honesty a puny residual
check from “Saved by the Bell” for $10.50 a couple of weeks ago! Do they seriously
think I’m going to try to hide a whopping two grand from the Government in order to score a couple hundred
dollars for a week? That check (whenever
it arrives) will be a badge of honor!!!
But chatting with my knowledgeable friend
and fellow Actor James (who has also had his fair share of dealings with EDD),
he assured me not to worry. Yes, call
the number on the paper and politely ask how the form should be filled out, and
yes, since the letter explained that “earnings are residuals”, just remind them
that the payroll company does not send the checks directly to you, but has to
go to the Union first, which may take around ninety days (depending on the
contract) before you receive payment.
Feeling more at ease but still
somewhat peeved, I set my alarm clock for 7:30am the next morning to call EDD for
assistance as necessary. But wouldn’t
you know it, all lines were “busy”, and all the “help” I received was a
tape-recorded voice telling me that “no one in the office can answer your
questions at this time. Goodbye.”
So filling out the Government form
to the best of my ability, I ended my lengthy statement with the absolute
truth: “I cannot claim funds which I’ve
not yet received”.
>>><<<
As to my Trans-Global Exploration
Experimentation, I must say I’m 99.99% satisfied with my choices during this
hiatus. Time is flying far too quickly,
but I am looking forward to the
challenges of adapting to many new Directors on our show, earning the trust of
our new 1st AD, and hoping to prove my abilities once again in Tinsel Town.
But, for now? I think this commercial says it all…!
With love,
~Sloth-esque P
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