CURSES!

The very first time I got the Evil Eye working on a sit-com, I was so naïve as to assume that everything that happens behind the scenes is a purely collaborative process. 

And in many aspects, that’s a logical conclusion. 

However it wasn’t until (as a newbie working in Hollywood), that I made the nearly-fatal, potentially-career-ending error of helpfully suggesting a tiny line change in a script to a Higher-Up – a small bit of dialogue which I sincerely thought might be slightly more appealing and comical to a Midwest audience (because to be perfectly honest, I didn’t understand the written joke, nor did I find it even remotely funny when someone else explained it to me.)

To this day, I still recall the slow-motion body turn, as the Higher-Up’s face flushed a terrifying rainbow of first sort of a baby pinkish hue, which grew into a dark crimson, followed by deep shade of purple (a color which I have yet to see anywhere else in nature).

“I have a WGA card!  It’s right here in my wallet!  Do YOU have a WGA card?!” he bellowed sarcastically.  “I also have a DGA card in my wallet!  Do YOU have a DGA card?!” he strutted like a peacock, ever so proud of his accomplishments, whipping out his credentials for everyone on stage to witness the validations of achievements in his life should he ever be doubted for his remarkable talent.

At the time – having had no formal training in motion picture or television studies (and embarrassingly unfamiliar what all the hoo-ha was about with the clearly CAPITAL LETTERS resume) – I did what any girl in my situation would most naturally do and immediately burst into tears!

Not an easy pop quiz there, but suffice it to say, I learned my lesson!

And from that day on, I chose to become a dedicated student of my craft.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still made a pant load of rookie mistakes, but I tried to learn from each and every one of them:

          1:  Unless you’re specifically told to carry an item on stage as an actor, DON’T TOUCH THE PROPS (no matter how interesting they may appear to be – and they are almost ALWAYS fascinating!)

          2:  Should you stumble upon a row of clothing on a rack backstage, DON’T TOUCH THE WARDROBE (or physically try on anything, including wigs and jewelry just for fun or because a pair of shoes might go nicely with a jacket at home.)

          3:  If something shiny and twinkly catches your eye on a set, DO NOT TOUCH OR DARE TO MOVE said item (due to threat of dismemberment by mild-mannered Set Dressing people who apparently carry machetes…)

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Personally, I consider myself blessed to have shared my early lessons at such a hands-on (or rather HANDS-OFF) “University” of crash courses with a select group of “tweenagers” who were also just learning the ropes.
 
And I must say that despite our drill sergeant-esque training, (nearly) every single one of us developed an absolute respect for all of the difficult work that’s required to pull off a show together.  (To this day, the “kids” make me so proud to see them book a series!)

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“So what’s with the trip down Memory Lane, Penny?” I’m sure you’re all wondering (if you’re still reading this page and haven’t abandoned my story for adorable cat videos on You Tube just yet.)

Well my friends, I accidentally forgot about one of the cardinal rules, which is sort of an “understood and to be respected” Sub-Section “A” of rule #1 listed above:

In a nutshell, not only should one never touch the props, but this unproven (yet scary) law has a unique Jinx attached when it comes to superstitious actors and infirmary items.  Unless your Character has a broken leg, DON’T hobble around on the crutches for your own amusement!  Unless your Character is immobilized, DON’T lounge in the wheelchair because you’re too lazy to get up!  You’re just asking for trouble!

Now, thankfully, I’ve done nothing of the kind (despite posting catalogue photos of said items.)  However, misrepresenting my “flu recovery” to the neighbors a few nights ago, I apparently infuriated The Universe with my utter disrespect to my humble craft, and have thusly been punished unmercifully for over forty-eight hours with what I can only describe (to use a Hollywood term) as an EPIC case of a REAL stomach flu…

Good Lord, my KINGDOM for a bullet between the eyes to decide the Battle of Rights over the Land of the Lavatory! 

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Blissfully however, I choose to believe that The Universe eventually brings comfort to those who require a bit of new-found strength during adversity.

(Or as in my case, those who authentically plea in a pathetic, achy, every-muscle-in-my-body-hurt capacity; plus I was still sweating under the air conditioning and could barely lift my arm to hold up a mini fan over my face so I didn’t over-heat and barf all over the bed.)*

But as of yesterday, with the assistance of belly-comforting saltine crackers, electrolyte water, ginger ale (which I used to think was some sort of urban myth, but is truly perhaps the most soothing tummy beverage ever); and wondering how to Oscar nominate the underappreciated talented role of Pepto-Bismol in my “independent color film” I felt like I had triumphed in the battle over the Hollywood Jinx!!!

(For now!  For now!  Don’t curse me again!)

And like a welcome wagon back into The Universe’s Good Graces, I logged onto the computer today (Whee!  It was my first time completely upright in three whole days!), to find a friendly email to all the crew from my favorite UPM, confirming our upcoming start-up date for our next twelve episodes.  HOORAY!!!

Celebrating my first McDonalds Happy Meal this afternoon after the flu (baby steps!),

Curse-free, happy P

*For those of you who noticed the asterisk above, now I understand a bit more of the mind of a kitty.  Hair balls are not a choice!  And for those of you who’ve not seen his videos, may I introduce you to the world of “Henri”.  (Tres dramatique!)