Still Here

Having started this blog to help me make some sense of the world, I’m at a bit of a loss these days.

Grieving is not a talent I ever mastered, and reaching out to a few family and friends, I’m so grateful for the advice that there is nothing right or wrong in dealing with the loss of my Best Friend Pretty, i.e. the kitty whose face was the last I saw at night and the first thing in the morning for almost two decades.  (Well, that is, before she turned around and stuck her butt in my face lovingly!)

My Mom shared with me that after her Mom passed, it took my mother five years to sort through my Grandma’s personal effects.  (And my Mom is the Queen of throwing things out!)  So I didn’t feel so bad about the fact that after three days, I’ve not yet touched a single thing that belonged to Pretty.

Still, everything in our bat-cave seems to be a reminder…

I’ve not stopped putting the TV remote controls on a table out of habit, as Pretty had a knack for stepping on the buttons and next thing I know, she’s either rebooted TiVo or switched channels to professional basketball playing on the wide screen.  (???)

I haven’t gotten past the need to still put out a placemat on the bed when I prepare food at home (with a few teeth removed three years ago, she got kinda sloppy whenever she ate dinner with me...)

And still her bowl of kibble sits; and still her “comfy cat” litter box remains, as does her elevated end table glass of water, known as her “tippy cup”.  (We live in an earthquake zone.)  But I’ll be darned if she didn’t drink from that glass every single day; and that was the FIRST task every morning, to refill her “tippy cup”! 

And yeah, for the last two days I woke up and wondered stupidly for the first few minutes why the water level didn’t go down…

Like I said, I don’t really know how grief works, but I will try my best to thank you all very soon personally for your kindest words, cards and emails.  I’m just not quite there yet.

But I did get some sleep today, and if I ever doubted anything about Pretty still being with me, she was definitely here!

Not only did she stomp all over my legs, but she even stepped on my ponytail!  And I still get a glimpse her (or at least a shadow out of the corner of my eye) in the hallway!

Hmmm…

Perhaps she’s helping me to take my first steps…?

Missing her so…

~P