Miracles CAN Happen!

“You will be HER until at least noon” the ominous text from my AD informed my antiquated flip phone looming with a red flashing beacon in my purse as I stepped out of the shower and into my bedroom to get dressed and ready for work last week.

“Seriously, does he just hit ‘resend’ every day?” I rhetorically asked my feline best friend Pretty who stared at me blankly for a moment before tunneling into her current favorite open-ended plastic shopping baggie.  

I was happy to have work!  I was blessed to be employed in my occupation of choice!  But I was also trying to balance my enormity of gratitude with an annoyingly pesky feeling of being somewhat overly-extended in my humble job capacity.

Granted, I’d heard over the weekend about a fellow Stand-In who had the BALLS to file a grievance against her previous show for making her do the job of an actress who only showed up Fridays for four hours of pre-taping; and as such, that particular Stand-In was demanding financial compensation for what she deemed a “hostile work environment”.

Now, I couldn’t help but feel sincere empathy for a fellow Second Teamer who was under the pressure to live up to the expectations of performing on behalf of her actress for the Network and Producers (been there; do that often), and on the one hand, I’m rooting for her!  (PLEASE let there be a change in pay when we lowly peons are expected to go so far beyond the usual call of duty!)

But on the other hand…

Well, we do sign on as Stand-Ins to be whoever “The Powers That Be”, need us to be.  Mine is certainly not a “hostile work environment”; but would it kill the budget to give us a small financial bump in pay once in awhile?!

Frankly, I needed a couple of sounding boards…

>>><<<

“That’s absolute BULLSHIT that they expect you to do a LEAD ACTRESS’ JOB for her and yet they pay you the SAME puny rate as every OTHER Stand-In who doesn’t have to perform and be on-set all the time.  BULLSHIT!” was the fervent opinion of one AD whom I used to work with; the righteous indignation of his feverish rant the equivalent to a beckoning whistle to one of my High Horses named “Fairness”; a rather gentle and forgiving pony in my stable who is always willing to give the benefit of the doubt for an apple or a carrot (or a mini-chocolate chip cookie!)

Clippity-clopping our collective hoofs over to my Camera Coordinator who has dealt with his fair share of “standing-in” for tech-challenged Directors, “Fairness” and I nibbled at the man’s brain, nuzzling around for a nugget of his personal perspective.

“In MY experience” he explained openly, “yeah, it sucks when I have a (insert air quotes) Director that doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing and hands the whole show off to me and expects me to do his job for him with my regular pay.  And yet, because I CAN do the job, I GET the additional calls to work in this business to cover someone’s ass.  So how do you decide?”

Hmmm…

Suffice it to say I did my job as expected; I received a warm hug from my Actress when she arrived on set whilst I was still performing in lieu of her (thank GOD she’s gracious and gets a laugh out of my impersonation of her!); and content in the satisfaction that I’d given a decent enough performance by both our standards, I patted “Fairness” on the flanks as my High Horse retreated quietly to the stables.

By all accounts I still felt somewhat over-extended:  but trying to keep a mind at peace and mentally satisfied that as long as I stick to my consistent work ethics, I chose to believe that I’ll continue to be hired and counted upon to perform whatever is required in the land of television sit-coms.  So no worries, right?!

>>><<<

“Appointment Notice:  Failure To Attend This Appointment May Affect Your Eligibility To Receive Unemployment Insurance Benefits”

(Oh, FFS!)

Ever have one of those days when you looked up to the sky, and shouted “Really?”

Yes, according to my notification, I “have been scheduled to attend a Personalized Job Search Assistance Session where (I) will receive employment services from the Employment Development Department (EDD).”

Again…   REALLY???

Hey, my Kingdom and all the stables of my High Horses to EDD if they have the power to hook me up as a Co-Star on a successful sit-com and I never EVER require unemployment assistance for the rest of my life!  (Yet somehow I think that’s unlikely…)  So despite the fact that I’m actually WORKING, it would appear that I have to attend a mandatory face-to-face meeting to prove that I’m actively seeking employment.

I understood that my summons needn’t be taken personally – the EDD interviewer I’d encounter would be simply trying to do his or her job to the best of their ability, and God knows I can empathize with THAT!  But unfamiliar with where I’d need to travel outside of my comfort zone into something called Marina Del Rey, I logged onto my four-year-old laptop computer (which had randomly updated itself overnight), and discovered that for no discernable reason, I no longer had any Audio.

(Say it with me one more time…  REALLY???)

Consenting to allow The Geek Squad to remotely access my computer on-line, I sat in awe as the pointer-thingy whizzed out of my control, hovering and clicking at the speed of lightening.  Menus that I’d never seen before were pulled up, clicked, scanned and scrutinized.  And whilst I was mesmerized by the flurry of activity, I found myself feeling a wee bit uncomfortable as trusty “Agent Bill” continued the ongoing clinical gynecological probing exam of my PC.

“I’m handling a couple of other clients at the same time” Agent Bill typed in the chat box; “so I apologize if it takes me a moment to get back to you, Penny.”

EEK!  My computer was being assaulted with total strangers in a ménage a trois!

>>><<<

But just like that (insert finger snap), my world made a bit of sense in my pea-brain.

Despite Agent Bill’s efforts to ravage my RAM (if you will), and despite his inability to restore my Audio capacity until I can eventually laboriously carry my poot to the local Best Buy for repairs, I decided to appreciate the one realm where I have the opportunity to do as I deem fit: Stand-In for my gorgeous Actress, and until I’m told otherwise how to perform or where to move on her behalf, embrace my Control Issues and OWN the stage.  (Even if it’s only briefly!)

“I enjoyed that, Penny!  I enjoyed watching you!” our Leading Lady smiled in gratitude for allowing her some time to relax.  “But why did you move over there on this line?” she wondered, pointing to her script.

“Um, because the Director told me to” I winced (not particularly comfortable being a go-between for two people that have the power to fire me).

“Well, ya gotta check the plausibility of our movements, Penny!” she mock-admonished me with an amiable laugh; the word “our” not being bandied around as in the “Royal We", but as an affirmation that she and I mesh well together as a team to get the work done.

And I took that as the highest of compliments!

>>><<<

Resigned to the fact that I’d set a precedent of being trusted by our gorgeous Actress, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to get the morning text message, that once again, I would be HER until 11:00am (or there-about).  “Let’s start with the kitchen scene” our AD shouted to the stage as I hovered awkwardly behind a celebrated Director (that I’ve never met before), hoping for an introduction from my AD (that never came).  (In his defense, he had waaay bigger fish to fry!)

“Hi, I’m Penny” I eventually extended a tentative paw to the massive, muscle-bound tattooed arm of our Fearless Leader.

“Hi Penny, I hear you are an amazing Stand-In!” the Gentle Giant smiled warmly, guiding me to the chair where he wanted our Leading Lady to be seated.  “I hope they’re giving you a shitload of money for filling in for her!” he nodded to the skeleton crew who all suddenly found something infinitely more interesting in staring blankly at their shoes or down at their smart phones.  “Hmm, well I’ll take that as a ‘no’” he whispered, squeezing my arm comfortingly and making me feel safe in his enormous directorial hands.  (Frankly, if he didn’t already have a husband, I’d have married him on the spot!)

>>><<<

Picking up the phone the next morning to call EDD to discuss my obligatory meeting and hope beyond hope that they might allow me to move up my meeting by two days, I greeted the answerer respectfully, knowing that he too, was just doing his job.

“Hi and good morning!” I began cheerily.  “I understand that missing this meeting could potentially disrupt my unemployment benefits, but I’m actually working that week, so is there any chance that I could possibly move my appointment up earlier to the 28th?” I fretted (not particularly comfortable with losing the trinity of work, potential OT pay on a camera blocking day AND my benefits!).

“Oh, I can’t change your time since that’s set by the offices in Sacramento…” he sighed as I wilted like an orchid.  “So let me just take you off the list!” his voice smiled as he entered my information and working status into the computer.  “There you go!  You are free to roam about the world!”

And a chorus of angels SANG!

“We’re not going to use Second Team for Lighting tonight, but thanks everyone, for sticking around!” our affable DP grinned as we swarmed him en masse to say thank you and sign out for the day whilst the sun was still shining.

And a second chorus of angels sang AGAIN!

My mind was at peace:  and cozying up with my kitty, a cocktail and my laptop (that sans Audio had taken to scaring the CRAP out of me with angry BEEPS whenever touched inappropriately (Stranger Danger!  Stranger Danger!), I sifted through a few available sound-free emails.

*Pling.  Pling.* my cell phone tinkled at 9:30pm.

“You are HER for the entire run-thru with the Cast and until 3pm when we start pre-shoots” my AD texted me.

“I’m trying to look surprised” I texted back, “but I’m not that good of an Actress…!”

>>><<<

OK…  So the third chorus of angels would have to tuck in their wings and stay mute.

But for some unknown reason, the next day, and for ONE day ONLY, I opened up my laptop and found myself blessed with Audio!

Cue those angels!!!

>>><<<

Wishing you your very own miracles,

~Grateful P

>>><<<

Author’s Addendum:

Although I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, suffice it to say that someone at work recognized and appreciated all the effort that I put into my job. 

And stopping at Trader Joe’s for my usual weekend bottle of voddy, I found myself in a unique situation wherein I could financially justify scanning the top shelf liquor…

Tonight:  we drink Ketel One!!!