Cirque de so L.A.

There but for the Grace of God...

Lumbering onto the stage on all fours like a hungry grizzly bear after a six week hibernation hiatus from our sit-com and rising up on my hind legs (as it were) in search of helpless campers’ picnic baskets, I sniffed the air and surveyed the land.

There were friendly faces. There were holiday stories of over-indulgence of turkey and trimmings. And while there wasn’t a hot breakfast available on our first day of rehearsal, there were DONUT HOLES…

“Welcome back!” one of the office people (?) embraced me in a maternal hug as I was attempting to extend an outstretched paw toward the tongs in order to procure a deep-fried ball of glazed Heaven-on-Earth. “How was your Thanksgiving?!” the overly-indulged story teller asked sweetly.

“Uh, just fine” I smiled, uncomfortable with spewing the rather Charlie Brown details (i.e. nuking a single package of Kraft “Easy Mac (‘cheesy, pleasy!’)” microwavable macaroni and cheese for myself and my semi-toothless feline companion who has taken to clacking her lack of teeth like she’s wearing ill-fitting dentures).

“How was yours?” I inquired politely, having already heard the details.

“Well…” she launched into her lengthy tale again as I listened, responding with proper hearty laughs and all due respect.

(What can I say - being the trained bear in a tutu at the three-ring circus known as Hollywood, sometimes you have to dance before they feed you.)

***

Wearing an imaginary red-sequined spandex bodysuit (with a built-in tummy tuck apparatus!) and carefully checking my financial balance, I walked the tightrope in anticipation of a tent full of applause as I reached my final destination of stepping onto the platform and finding a belated unemployment benefit in the mail box after the holiday weekend.

Sure I had a small savings account equivalent to a safety net below, but what’s a highwire act without the drama, the suspense, or the possibility of injury whilst executing a death-defying stunt?

And eyeing the familiar envelope from the government that would ultimately assist me in keeping The Big Top over my head for another month, I tore open the paperwork with a dramatic flourish.

“TADA!” I announced ostentatiously in the face of my Ever-So Ferocious Man-Eating Lion. (Well, OK, maybe not ‘man-eating’ without all her teeth, and perhaps not ‘ever-so ferocious’ since I adopted her with front paws already declawed; but given the opportunity, I wouldn’t put it past her to lick my bones clean should I happen to have a tragic “accident”.)

“Heydewhaddayahunh?” I blurted a minute later; frightened by the notification from Chuckles the Bureaucratic Clown who had lured me into smelling the fresh fragrance of his boutonnière, only to squirt me in the eye with the following statement:

“YOU HAVE RECEIVED ALL BENEFITS PAYABLE ON YOUR CLAIM. YOU MAY QUALIFY FOR EXTENDED BENEFITS. IF YOU QUALIFY, THE CLAIM WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE FILED. NO ACTION IS NEEDED ON YOUR PART. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED BY MAIL OF YOUR ELIGIBILITY. YOUR CLAIM BALANCE AFTER THIS PAYMENT IS $0.00”

(Never did like clowns…)

***

But thankfully I’d learned how to juggle years ago.

And wrapping coins from my piggy bank ($6.00!) as well as taking in some recycling to the center ($11.16!), I, “The Flying Pennendo” took comfort in the ankle hang from the swinging trapeze, knowing that paychecks would be arriving in the near future – yet another safety net in place!

***

What I hadn’t counted on however, was my grand finale as The Human Cannonball.

The text message was innocent enough – “Can u talk 4 a min?”

But had I known the consequences of dialing the phone I would have at the very least strapped on a helmet and protective padding.

“I’m moving to Florida December 14th” the Ringmaster of the Rock Star Ex-Boyfriend Circus informed me.

“Heydewhaddayahunh?” I blurted for the second time in one week.

***

I learned awhile back (thank you Ellen) that life isn’t so much about how we can control uncomfortable situations, but more about the choices we make when faced with them.

And I for one, am looking forward to strapping on my tutu for the next five days before Christmas hiatus!

With love (and best wishes to the Ringmaster),

~P