Ab Ovo

 

Giddy with the excitement of seeing a call sheet in my computer’s inbox from the Production Company at the Studio, I eagerly clicked open the attachment to prove my worth as a once again valid employee contributing to society! 

Were my unique services actually required a week in advance prior to my start-up date?  Might I somehow be meta-crucial to the needs of the Electricians and Gaffers?  Had I been specifically chosen to receive an additional week of work as a grandiose act of Kindness from The Powers That Be? 

Well... that would be a big fat no, no and no.

In fact (and obviously I’m been away from having a series for way too long to not remember the basics), the call sheet rightfully included only Construction/Set Dressing/Prep; Grip and Electric/Prep at 6am as well as Wardrobe at 9am.

Oh, but by the mere inclusion of the email, I finally had a straw to cling to!  “Unemployment, schmunemployment!”  I shouted happily to The Universe.  “Enough with the government forms and red-tape gobbledygook” I raised my fist triumphantly in a grand symbolic gesture for all those who suffer from oppression.  “We shall overcome!” I announced to the world and all of the hypocritical tyrants!  (Well, “announced” may be a bit of a stretch, as I didn’t wish to wake anyone.)

But ecstatic at the thought of a brand new year, a fresh beginning and delighted to toss away all of the intolerable yucky suckiness that was 2013 for myself (and far too many of my friends), I charged into the evening to throw away the contents of my trash can -- accidentally scaring the crap out of my neighbor’s teen-aged grandson who had snuck out to text a friend, and who was clearly not expecting a bespectacled red-head in a “Wonder Woman” snuggie shod in sensible loafers wielding a Hefty bag -- and proceeded to collect my snail mail.  (I can’t help but “wonder” what his next text might’ve said?)

Regardless!

Still full of joy, I traipsed gleefully to the mail boxes inside my security gate, and key in hand, pulled out a fistful of envelopes. 

Were some friends or family perhaps belated in sending Christmas cards or Birthday wishes?  Might I have a random bill due?  Had I been specifically chosen to receive a blessed residual check for a TV show re-run by The Powers That Be?

Well... that would be a big fat no, no and no.

Welcome to the gruesome innards of my mail box:

Spectacular, no? 

Yes kind readers, the EDD has thus sent me SIX forms to be mailed on January 2nd to Sacramento, which incidentally, were mailed to me – per the postage on the envelopes – from San Bernardino ON the second of January.

But wait, there’s more!

Additionally, as the Great State of California wishes to bundle my work efforts in seeking employment, plus official documentation of residual checks and any money sustained between 10/13/13 and 12/28/13 on all SIX forms, I’ve been knighted with the greatest possible noble task of filling in the following information on the back of each sheet since Question #3, Section B requires my “work search record”.

These delightful categories include the following: 

“Date Applied.  Company Name.  Company Address.  Person Contacted.  Type of Work Applied For.  Results: Please explain.”

Date applied?  What, did I walk into a restaurant with a resume in the 1950’s where I never served a table?  (Um, ever heard of email or texting?)

Company Name?  Company Address? 

Well, until I get officially hired, I never know the title of the Production Company or where and at which studio lot we will film; nor can I brazenly stride past the Security Gates to randomly chat with Casting Directors, Producers and miscellaneous Powers That Be who might be working over the Holidays.

Person Contacted, Type of Work Applied For and Results:  Please Explain: 

Oh, I’ll explain it alright... (Insert possible grand symbolic gesture of raising a “fist”.)

Yes, as evidenced by a photo taken by my Dad some years ago, I’m forever a little fighter by birth!

(My Mom and the tiny bundle of terror that was myopic me, already trying to make sense.)

>>><<< 

To my knowledge, I spent approximately five f***ing hours filling out forms; and have now Xeroxed, documented, bundled and had a tracer placed on the large manila envelope sent today to Sacramento.  I’ve done my due diligence, and to this end I can only hope that the nightmare is over, the Government is appeased and I can acquire a modicum of sleep.

Sometimes I just want to throw my dress over my head and call it a day...

(Some things never change!)

Very much looking forward to working next week,

~Penny-pinched P