Oh? Positive!

Slinking across the threshold like a vampire that had been invited into the wealthy mansion of well-known sit-com Actress, I stalked the Sound Stage to get my bearings under the cover of night.  (Well, OK, at 8:30ish in the morning under a cover of gray skies with a 15% chance of rain in Los Angeles.) 

I could hear distant voices with my highly-tuned super-sonic bat echolocation, and although wandering blindly around the unfamiliar surroundings, my thirst for the kill led me directly to my most desired, my most cherished:  My Beloved.

“SOON…!  WE will be as ONE…” I swooped my coat over my shoulder dramatically, (flailing momentarily as my backpack got caught on my coat sleeve and clocked me on the back of my head).  “SOON…!  WE will be as…”  (Aaargh, just give me a minute to get untangled here.  Crap, can’t get my arm loose…  Wait… Almost got it…  Stupid wristwatch…)

Ahem.

“SOON…!  WE will be as ONE…” I reiterated with all due cinematic flair.  And tilting my head, opening my mouth widely, baring my fangs and preparing for the plunge into the flesh and the sweet warm juices of the Life Forces, I had a small thought:

“Hey, do you happen to have any hot sauce or ketchup?” I drooled politely to our Craft Services Lady, my teeth ready to sink into my plate of scrambled eggs, hash browns and yes, My Beloved:  i.e. bacon.

“I’ve got lots of choices right here!” she beamed, placing a massive wicker basket on the table.

>>><<<

Despite having booked TWO on-camera Contract Acting roles in the past year (one of them being on this particular show), I still couldn’t shake the reality of the mentality that comes with working in fickle Hollywood.  Having not been invited back to one series last year had felt like a stake in my heart, and I could still feel the scarring.

Yet I had been invited back for Season Two of a previously well-received cable TV sit-com (my Gorgeous Actress being a fan favorite for multiple reasons), but I wasn’t entirely sure that my presence had been requested by her or by our UPM. 

I was already anxious the night before, as my AD had called to inform me that she may or may not be there for rehearsal and that I should be prepared to stand-in for the morning, afternoon and possibly the very first Run-Thru of our brand new season.

(Hey, no pressure there!!!)

And setting the alarm clock to include an extra half hour (should I feel the need to stop and purchase some adult diapers lest my nervous system choose to poop itself in front of the Network people), I took a deep breath, hopped in my car, forewent the “crap-catchers” and decided to face my fears.

At least I would have one more hot delicious free breakfast before filling out my next unemployment form, and come feast or famine, I was going to make the most of it!

And the day would be what it would be.

>>><<<

In hindsight, it turns out that I don’t really possess the extraordinary powers of echolocation.  (Darn it!)

My AD had simply let me know that my Gorgeous Actress would indeed be present for the entire day:  it just happened to take a few lengthy minutes for the information to maneuver its way through my prefrontal cortex muddle and eventually make sense somewhere else inside my pea-brain. 

But still, a hint of trepidation lingered…

Having set aside My Beloved for the moment as our Leading Lady walked on stage, my tummy gurgled a little as she made her way down the reception line.

There were hugs!  There were kisses!  There were laughs!

And then there was me.

“Well, welcome back, doll” she nodded with a smile, emphasizing all four words. “I’m so glad you’re here!” she squeezed me happily like a Hostess sincerely wishing to make all of her guests feel important, special and comfortable in her home.

“Thank you for inviting me back!” I beamed, suddenly feeling ridiculously stupid for my insecurities, the negative mind-manipulations in my head and all of the mental drama that I’d allowed my pea-brain to manifest.

“OK, what say we make a sit-com, everyone?!” she rallied the troops enthusiastically, taking a seat with the rest of the Cast to read the first scene together.

And cozying up in a director’s chair with my script, my scrambled eggs (saturated with Tabasco sauce), my hash browns (drizzled delicately with ketchup) and My Beloved, we sunk our collective teeth into our first episode.

>>><<<

I can’t say that we had a particularly easy week per se, as there were constant rewrites and multi-colored pages flying off the copy machine at the speed of the mighty Xerox; but somehow we managed to organize our rainbow scripts, pencil-in subtle changes, keep track of blocking and props, and eventually bring together nineteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds of comedy.

And with a heart filled with light (and eleven more episodes that will keep me employed until May!!!), I felt my ‘vampiristic’ tendencies begin to melt away.

>>><<<

“Can you help a brother out, kind lady?” the apparently homeless guy asked me outside the drug store.

“I don’t know; do you accept debit cards?” I attempted some humor.

“Naw, but I’d accept a candy bar!” he offered with a chuckle.

It was Friday night, I’d finished my first work week, I already had a celebratory bottle of vodka in the trunk for the weekend, I’d only stopped at CVS for some diet 7-Up, and if ANYONE could relate to feeling hungry, well that would be me.

And standing in line with my two twelve-packs of soda, I grabbed my first choice of candy bars (Snickers) for the gentleman outside, when once again, I had a small thought.

“The bag is for you” I offered, trying to maintain a grip on the sodas.  “I don’t know what you like or if you have any peanut allergies.  Plus, I didn’t know if you like dark chocolate (Milky Way Midnight is my second fave) but I got you one of those, and just in case you don’t like dark chocolate, I also got you a Three Musketeers which is milk chocolate and no peanuts.”

At the most, I anticipated a small “thank you, kind lady.”

What I got however, was the old song and dance.

No, LITERALLY, as I walked to my car I got a joyous song and dance! 

“OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!  YOU GOT ALL MY FAVORITES!  THANK YOU, JESUS!  THANK YOU, JESUS!  YOU SENT ME AN ANGEL!  SHE GOT ALL MY FAVORITES!  THANK YOU, JESUS!  BLESS THAT LADY!  THANK YOU, JESUS!”

Who knew that three dollars worth of chocolate could bring so much happiness?!

>>><<<

If there was anything in the world that I could have asked for that night, it would’ve been sleep.  I was home in my bat-cave, a couple of cocktails warming me up on a rainy evening, kitty by my side, and two days off for the weekend to slough off any stress.  

And placing my head upon my pillow, I drifted into the deepest sleep I’d felt all week.

>>><<<

Poking me in the face with her paw, my feline sidekick awoke me ungodly early.  “It’s only 6:30” I pleaded, squinting at the alarm clock.  “And it’s still dark out” I whimpered; my useless whining falling on the apathetic ears of a cat who was meowing gutturally like a cheetah, and dead serious about my two choices to either get up and pour the damn milk or be eaten alive in my sleep.

“OK, OK, you don’t have to yell” I winced, clicking on the table lamp to find my glasses.

Hmm.

I guess my ‘vampiristic’ tendencies hadn’t dissipated as quickly as I thought.

Turns out I slept ‘til 6:30 alright…  PM.

>>><<<

Doing my own song and dance for feeling rested, rejuvenated and ready for work early this rainy Monday morning,

~Your Beloved P