Tarot de Toilette

Clad in a black hooded cape and wielding a scythe, my AD Diddy patted my knee and whispered dauntingly into my ear “I hope you’re ready to act, because it looks like you’re on!” he chuckled menacingly, floating away on the invisible hover-board cloaked beneath his shroud of doom.  And there it was (actually clad in a blue plaid shirt and jeans), the Hollywood “kiss of death”.

Crap.

Diagnosed with bronchitis and sent home immediately before the Producers Run-Thru on a Tuesday, the youngest female of our cast members left the stage against her will, leaving me with the awkward task of playing her part (against MY will!) on our happy little dog and pony Sit-Com.

But these are the situations that I find most challenging.  Can I pull off portraying a seventeen year-old girl?  Can I replicate to the best of my abilities the persona of the actress and the youthful angst written so carefully into her dialog?  Most importantly, could I do all of the above “cold” (unrehearsed) with conviction whilst holding the script at arms length because my eye-sight is failing? 

Pfft.  “Easy-peezy” I convinced myself, choosing not to spend too much time trying to master a role ultimately not my own.

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Crap.

Having ad-libbed my way through two of maybe twenty lines (a big, fat no-no if you ever work in television), I cowered off to the side, hoping to avoid eye contact with the writers who desperately want to hear their dialog written as is.  And scurrying into what I thought were the shadows, I was mortified to find myself suddenly face-to-face with our UPM (Unit Production Manager, aka, the top dog money guy).

“Great job!” he smiled, patting me on the back – the ultimate kiss of death…

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But as luck (and the creepy internet) would have it, after beating myself up for my lack of complete perfection at work, the Universe sublimely planted the following (spam?) into my computer’s in-box:

“The Knight of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in rising to the occasion.  I keep my options open and am ready to “use it or lose it.”  I set trends and initiate exciting opportunities to get attention, conquer fears, enhance reputation or image, or to express or inspire liberation – often by extreme measures.  I am empowered by ambition or the “zest in quest” and I transform through charismatic communication.”

Now surprisingly, I’m not actually one to dabble in the “occult”, but I’m also not one to ignore the signs if the Universe is trying to assist me.  And opening my paychecks for the week, I was astonished to find that not only was the UPM sincere but he had even approved an additional $25.00 to my Tuesday voucher.  (WTF?) 

So with one eye askance (the other having already declared Happy Hour after a tediously long-ass camera-blocking day at work), I logged onto the poot Thursday night to check the validity of the ongoing tarot card spam, only to discover the following:

“The Two of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in attraction.  I have a vested interest or am committed to sharing my vision, ideals, or game plan in order to make a connection.  I am willing to step up because it takes two and I can’t win if I don’t play.  Anything is possible.  I am empowered by the passion of my own potential and I transform through self-discipline.”

While I was convinced only hours earlier that at any moment my thighs would collapse under the duress of crouching arm-in-arm with my friend Lori in the stall for what felt like a lifetime, I smiled pleasantly at the crew who felt the need to whip out cameras and take photos of our awkward situation.  However, yes we had “stepped up”, yes “it takes two” and spot-on, “I can’t win if I don’t play”!

And while some “self-discipline” may have kicked in, I do believe the photo below of my middle finger on the script (accidental as it happened to be) tells the full story:

Cheers to the idea that “anything is possible”.  After all, despite the fact that Lori and I (and my career?) were literally in the toilet, we booked ourselves a pilot!

Kissing you all deadly (as it were),

~P